SUBJECT: Robbie Williams In a deserted East London side street, a man is shouting from a third floor
window to a young semi-naked school boy on the opposite side of the road. The
boy hanging from his bedroom window, is waving his arms about to thumping techno
music - cigarette in one hand, 12" slab of vinyl in the other. "You should be at
bloody school!" barks the grumpy man. "Does your mum know you're at home? You're
not smoking fags are you? Put some clothes on you sod..." "So?" he says putting his feet up on Tim's swank desk "Where were we?"
LOCATION: His management offices in central
London
PURPOSE OF ASSIGNMENT: To seek the truth. Subject must reveal his
true feelings for former colleagues, Take That.
"I hate school and
all my mates smoke. So why don't you just shut up?" comes the cocky
reply.
What the skiver doesn't realise is that he's being lectured by the
king of rebels, the mega-famous Robbie Williams, perpetrator of debauched
Glastonbury shenanigans and general rock 'n' roll tomfoolery.
"Bloody kids of
today, they don't know they're born!" jokes Rob, as he slams the window
shut.
"I'm only winding him up but he does get on my nerves. Blaring bloody
rave music all day. Never at school, that one. We call him Ravey Davey."
"I heard he was having a drink in my area, but I was determined not to
go out because I was working today........Anyway I did go out to eight pubs,
looking for him. Now I feel really rough. Did I find him? Nah."
YOU WANTED TO TELL ME WHAT YOU REALLY THOUGHT OF TAKE THAT...........
"That's simple - I still love the lads. I always will. And I hope that, deep
down , they love me, too. That's what I really feel. It's just taken me a long
time to be able to say it."
WHY?
"I had six brilliant years with Take
That, but for the last year all I could remember was the nasty ending. But now
the good times are coming back to me and, more than anything I'd love to have a
good chat with Gary. "Once this whole storm has blown over me and him are going
to have such a laugh."
DO YOU THINK THAT'S POSSIBLE AFTER ALL THAT'S' BEEN
SAID?
"I really hope so. Just thinking about Gary makes me laugh. I mean,
when I first met him, he didn't burp, swear, fart or eat 'foreign muck'. All
he'd eat was sausage egg and chips. Even Chinese was classed as exotic - it was
like an experimental jungle mix by Goldie for him. (*laughs*) Then, as the years
went on, he was the one taking us into Sushi bars, ordering foreign muck! And
now he wears nice clothes - and I know he burps, swears and farts! I've heard
him. This is great, talking like this, because I'm laughing. I'm enjoying the
memories. I mean I'm not taking the piss here these are genuinely fond
memories." (Blimey! Stop the press! Rob's actually being sincere and, as he
merrily strolls down memory lane, I can't shut him up..) "I remember the first
time I ever met the lads at the Take That auditions. I came with my mum and as I
was saying through the corner of my mouth, 'Right, Mum - go now.' Marky was
doing exactly the same thing at the other end of the street with hi mum."
SO
WHAT ABOUT...
"As I was walked into the audition, there was this guy sat
there with really untrendy Adidas bottoms on, massive Converse trainers, a
stupid spiky haircut...and I'm not dissing him here - I mean this lovingly. He's
got his legs crossed with his hands on his knee and this bloody leather
briefcase which had song sheets for crap cabaret songs in it..."
THAT'S
NICE. BUT.....
"Sssssh, let me finish. I looked at him and I was told, 'This
is Gary Barlow. He's a professional club singer and he's going to make this
group happen.' Then there was this guy called Jason, who was all full of himself
because he'd been on The Hitman And Her and I was completely impressed. The fact
that Jason had been on telly and liked RS2000 cars made him God in my eyes. He
was cocky and strutty and I just thought he was great. Then as I was halfway
through my audition, in walks this other bloke called Howard - who was late as
always. And he was really shy. So that was the scenario. Take That met for the
first time and I remember just looking round and thinking, 'oh shit, I wish I'd
passed my exams!' Hahahaha.."
YEAH, THAT'S REALLY FUNNY BUT WHAT
ABOUT.....
"Then Gary called me over and said, 'Right Son - here's what you
do.' He called me 'son'! He made me laugh from that moment on. He has this
brilliant northern humour and it's all really clever one-liners. He's got loads
of jokes - he is Gary 'Bernard Manning/Roy Chubby Brown' Barlow. Me and him used
to have some laughs."
CAN I ASK A QUESTION PLEASE?
"Yeah, sorry. I'm
going on aren't I?"
A BIT YEAH. SO WHAT ABOUT THE FUTURE? DO YOU REALLY
THINK YOU CAN BE FRIEND AGAIN?
"In a year's time. I think Gary will see why
I've said the things I have and when we get together it will be brilliant. As
for Mark and Howard I'd love to see them. Especially Marky. I don't know if
Jason will ever like me again. We crossed wires - there was always friction
between us. We were just different people - I mean he went celibate for 12
months! I couldn't be celibate for 12 minutes! But there is still a lot of love
there for Jason too. I really hope that we can all be friends again, you know.
I'm sick of fighting, I just want to see my mates again....."